This is in no way a coherent post (I actually didn't even try) so be warned
God, I wanted to write about so much I don't know where to start. I really should post once a week or so, then my post maybe don't feel like such a Word Vomit. Funny me to use such a phrase, right?
So right now there are two fics impacting my life on a very heavy level and I need to tell you about them because I.seriously.need.to.talk.about.them okay? Please.( fic stuff ahead. Enter at your own risk 8DCollapse )
Enough about fic. You know, I moved. I told most of you already but I don't think I've actually mentioned it here in my journal, but I moved back to Düsseldorf. I moved from something that felt like a really really small town (like countryside-small... which it wasn't tho) right into The Big City. God, it feels so good living in an actual city again, having all the needed things and shops in walking distance, having a tram, being able to get somewhere on my own and not having to ask my mom all the time to give me a ride or to walk like 30 minutes to the next store. Cities are awesome.
And while moving and being away from home (and from a place where I felt safe and secure) comes with a lot of hardships, some which I expected and some I didn't, I know it was a good decision. I won't say it was the right
one, because I don't like to only think in black and white, in right and wrong. Also, I will never know if it was the right decision, because now, after I made my decision, I'm not able to experience the other side of it, the 'wrong' side and maybe that side would have been even 'righter', who knows. But it feels like a good
decision and that's what counts in the end.
I'm still struggling, even more than before, because with that illness I have, changings come with a huge price. The time to get used to a new enviroment is hard, because I have to create my own securtity and if there's one thing I'm really really bad with it is feeling safe with just myself.
That's why I decided to get some help on that matter. So I live with a bunch of awesome roommates now. Roommates who have similar problems like me. And it's really, really good. The way of understanding each other is awesome, the people are caring and treating me with a level of consideration I never experienced before. Like, one of the first talk we had were about triggers and what triggers me most and what they should pay attention to. I mean, you don't have those kind of talks in those typical flat sharing communites, right? But we all know that each of us has a bunch of problems, so we're considerate and we help each other out.
The room I've got is the biggest one here, but it still feels really small, because I just have too many things XD I tried to make use of the space and it's kinda comfy already even tho there's still so much missing (especially decoration on the walls. eg. posters. eg. Arashi.) but I kinda want to already share some pics, so here are just some snappets of my new room. (come to think of it, I never shared pics of my old one, oops. maybe one day. probably not.)( pics and watercolor!Neen fangirling oopsCollapse )
So, some new stuff:
I ORDERED THE DIGITALIAN TODAY AND I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT I JUST GOT SO EXCITED SUDDENLY AND NOW I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL JULY BECAUSE THAT CON WILL BE AWESOME AND BLU-RAY AND LIMITED AND I'M HAPPY
Yeah, I'm not that
into Arashi these days because of lack of time and lack of chances to fangirl, but I kinda feel like rewatching cons and tv shows now, because-- because-- Arashi
Also, I feel like celebrating my birthday (which is two days after the release) by watching The Digitalian with some people. Would that be something for you? It's just a spontaneous idea and with my current home and flat mates, I don't really have a place for that, but maybe someone has an idea? I just-- I'd really like to watch that con with some people ;_;
Oh, and I'm watching Aiba's Drama these days and first I thought I wouldn't manage to watch more than the first episode because I just can't with the characterization of Aiba's and his father's character, just watching gets me uneasy. But then I gave it another chance and watched the second one and since it got a bit better, I continued watching, still getting all edgy whenever Aiba got whiny and afraid and god, I don't know why they even write such a transparent character. Maybe I'm just not used to Japanese shows anymore, I don't know.
I'm currently at episode 6, so not up-to-date, but now I got my hopes destroyed and I consider (again) if I should continue watching. I head this interesting head canon in which Aiba's character was simply schizophrenic and Nameless-san himself. Imagining that, the story really got more exciting. But with the things happening at the end of episode 6, it's hard to still believe in that. Well, we'll see.
Someone else who's watching it? Wanna share your opinions with me? :)